After submitting my second request foradmission to the bac in midwifery practice, at UQTR, I came back from Africa. It was my roommate at the time who printed and sent everything for me because I was in Madagascar during the registration deadline.

I honestly thought that now the doors to college were going to be wide open for me. I had caught 35 babies, I had learned a lot about the midwifery profession, natural childbirth, the relationship with a patient ... in short, I was in the process of doing my dream job, the one I had been trying to reach for 3 years now.

One morning, I received a letter saying that my admission application had been processed and that I was on the waiting list for personal interviews. Ok, waiting list… Ok.

I continued to read and I saw that in the box "basis of admission", it said "college grades". MISTAKE! The first application was sent on a collegiate basis, but now I was applying under the experience basis! They just haven't seen the file, they haven't read it!

After talking to the people responsible for receiving and sorting admission applications, we realized that the file was not properly processed, not even read. I will hear from you in a few days. It is with the hope of spring that I shake my shoulders and tell myself that it will be fine, that they will be impressed by my file once they read it.

Two weeks later, I still have no news. I call back and a man says to me: You haven't heard from you? Don't you know you've been turned down?

-No I did not know
-Ah, well yes, your file was refused. You had more chances with your college grades, that's why you were put in this category.
-Ah. OK, thanks.

That was it. Simple as well. I was still refused. They didn't even bother to let me know.

I spoke to the program director at the time. She explained to me that in my cover letter, I had chosen the wrong words. She told me that I didn't have to go play midwifery to have access to the bac, that that's not what they were asking for. When I asked if it could help if I go back for longer? No. That it would make things worse.

My assumption on the thing remains the same. TheOrder of Midwives of Quebec is severe and the people who are admitted to the bac must be people who will join it. My experience in Madagascar demonstrates my interest in the profession but also in the community, in impulsiveness, I would even go so far as to say illegality.

Since the profession was legalized a little over 20 years ago, there has been an internal debate between midwives freed by the OSFQ and so-called community midwives. Those who are not part of the order but who practice all the same, in secret. They offer services to women who do not fall within the legal framework of midwifery practice.

Because they fall into the cracks of the system (or because they slip into it voluntarily), some women have recourse to these community midwives. I think I had the profile of a midwife who would have returned to the community, therefore, illegally. I was not the right profile for the legal profession. Hence the categorical refusals.

With hindsight and reflection, I don't think they are wrong.

In short, the doors of the university are closed.

To each of my refusals, my natural response was to move away from the perinatal period for a few months. To disappear from the middle. To change jobs and convince myself that I like having a career in the restaurant business. I still remember the moment when I opened the coffee, I cleaned the floor and said to myself: ok, I'm going to try the birth attendant training, if I like that, I become a naturopath and that will be it.

That's what I did. Two years after the last refusal, I tried again. I sent back an admission request, still under the "experience" basis. I had dozens of Quebec perinatal training courses, my doula practice, I thought this time would be the right one. But no. Third refusal in 5 years.

Since then, I have come a long way. I started the company The First Moments, which one day will grow up to be great and prosperous. I embarked on entrepreneurship on two feet. I am on the board ofQuebec Association of Birth Attendants. I do volunteer work with Médecins du Monde, supporting women who do not have insurance. I get involved, I do good and it makes me feel good.

I have the freedom to choose when and where I work. I don't have a boss who tells me what to do or refuses my good ideas. I put my flavor into my work and I learn to organize myself a little more every day.

4 years after starting my career as a birth attendant, 1 year after obtaining the title of naturopath in perinatal care, 6 months after starting a business, I am very aware of how lucky I am not to be midwife. I have no restrictions in my work. I'm the one who dictates it. My days are punctuated with meetings, workshops, childbirth, coffee with friends and romantic meals. I enjoy a freedom that I could not have had otherwise, and for that, I'm glad I'm not a midwife.